Whats Your Super Power?
I am not quite sure how to even start this. Its one of the more terrifying posts I think I’ve ever made, yet something in me feels compelled to completely just open up. I was someone who hid in hiding for most of my life as to who I really was. I grow up getting bullied probably until the age of 22 when my teeth were at their worst point they’d ever been. I was severely bullied while younger for having extremely large ears, which resulted in myself have surgery to pull them back at 15, and being born with a dental deficiency which created my teeth to rot out of my mouth and no dentist would see me until 22 when we found someone who would help due to not having insurance. 40k later, my mouth is completely redone.
The bullying I had faced while growing up took a giant toll on me into adult hood, I never felt good enough for a job, boyfriend or friends. My first boyfriend, I remember standing on his porch at 16 and him saying ” I would make you my girlfriend but you can’t smile in pictures and thats a big deal to me.” I was mortified. When you spend most of your life learning how to talk with your mouth shut, or placing yourself in relationships that are abusive, because you hate yourself and feel this is exactly what you deserve. When you spend your life being ashamed of who you are, and no one really liking you, not including you in things, talking about you, making internet posts about your teeth where everyone joins in to make fun of you, I teetered on the edge of wanting to die. I was a cutter when I was young, which anyone who knows me now would find that to be ridiculous. I came from an extremely broken home, and was actually bullied most of middle school by my own friends for it. Those are personal details that do not just have my face attached so that I will only open up about to people who need it.
I lived my life in a way where I was ashamed of who I was, I pretended to be anyone else I could be, anything else I thought could be cool, anyone but alex march. I lived in a world where I cried myself to sleep and would look in the mirror and cry consistently. I wouldn’t go out during the daylight because you were able to see my rotted teeth, and at night I could hide them better. I felt very alone in my life due to my parents own personal issues that directly effected my sister and I. My sister was 7 years younger than me and I spent my life sheltering her from the storm I knew I could endure. I went to school being bullied and then dreaded coming home to even worse. Have you ever had a classmate come up to you at a party in the rare chance you were invited and make an entire room laugh at you and say “maybe your parents don’t love you either because your teeth are so gross and so are you” The battle I faced as a teen into early adult was a battle I didn’t quite understand but I knew I would be ok. I always felt some sense of peace. I knew why but never told a soul. Thats all I needed to be even more different than everyone and be picked on even more. When my parents would battle and I lived in my grandmas basement with my cousins, that is when my life changed a bit around 4 years old. I remember my mom did what she could to make a bedroom for me, she tied sheets onto wire and made a corner spot covering my bed out of them so I had a room again. I remember showering in a basement sink because we didn’t have a shower. Most kids probably wouldn’t even be coherent of this happening, but I was. A woman used to visit me when I was safe behind the sheets of my bedroom and say “you’re ok baby, this will all make sense one day” she had a covered eye and I remember noting that. Later in life to discover my fathers grandma from syria would visit me, whom I never met.
Throughout all my trials and tribulations I always knew I was different, mores than what had been happening, I didn’t even know what the word psychic was, I didn’t know what an empath was, I had no idea what a medium was, but I knew I was something… else. Around 17 I had little faith in anything. I wasn’t negative but I also wasn’t sure how I felt about religion. I was raised roman catholic and it never made sense to me. I knew I had faith in SOMETHING, but I had no idea what it is. I was unsure what I believed in. When I was 17 I was in an accident and died for a minute. I saw the most beautiful angel I cannot describe. This angel said, ” go back my child, you will have a great power, and with that will come great responsibility” and that is ALL I remember. I remember nothing else. I remember it clear as day, it happened in the ambulance and after that EVERYTHING changed. Everything intensified.
I started tattooing around 18, and the man who apprenticed me was a great friend. I had opened up to him that I knew I was different and felt things about people I couldn’t describe. I told him I frequently saw spirit and spoke to them. I told him I could feel the emotions of everyone around me and I had no idea what I actually felt as a person and I was afraid. He was my first reading, he spoke of his grandfather, and my body got extremely hot flashy and my body started feeling like it couldn’t breathe and my heart was racing, and something told me this was how he died and I just said it. I started seeing symbols and hearing his voice and seeing this bright white silhouette of a man behind him. It was done, I was a medium. With that I started feeling things about people they never told anyone in their lives. I was a high functioning psychic medium.
This was my secret, I was finally doing something in my life that made me cool. The people from high school or who bullied me now wanted to be my friend because my career was “cool” I couldn’t possibly let anyone know I was still as different as I was. This was worse, this was something I felt inside me as strong as the love you feel for your family. Years of struggle led me to find the word empath. I couldn’t breathe in my own skin, I was afraid and no one could help me. I googled ” I hear inside peoples heads” and the word empath came up, I started compulsively searching this word, and it was me. All of it! I felt such a sense of belonging I will never be able to explain. Its like finding out you’re not crazy and you’re just ahead of the curve. But what now? Who could I tell? Who would listen to me? I had a hard enough time being me in my life, dealing with the residual abuse of people before me in bullying, trying to love, or let alone like myself. I remember looking in the mirror and saying if someone doesn’t like you for your teeth then you don’t want them to like you! I had put my foot down, I had too much shit on my plate to give a single fuck about some loser who was projecting his own bullshit onto me.
I went to a spiritual center to ask for help, they told me I was too young to be what I was claiming and I had a wild imagination.
I sat outside of my tattoo shop the next day, I looked up to the sky, and said “help” 4 days later, a woman approached my mother in a super market with her card and said someone in your life needs me. I gasped and cried. I couldnt believe it, I couldn’t fucking believe it. My prayers were answered. She said, take a deep breath, on the phone because I wouldn’t shut up, I couldn’t believe I was being saved. She said ” I’m sending you reiki” I had NO idea what reiki was but I knew my SOUL wanted it.
One year later I was a reiki master. Living a double (lie)fe. I had a secret life, and no one knew I was a reiki. I don’t think anyone in my life knew I was a reiki let alone a psychic medium. That was my secret. I was a high functioning emotional, medical and physical empath, a life path psychic, trauma psychic and empathic medium. I now knew how to control it and how to understanding it. I had done hundreds of readings for years and NO ONE knew. I was too afraid. How could I possibly let anyone know that I was still a freak. I can’t let skeptics hurt the one thing thats ever saved my life. Mediumship is my LIFE. Mediumship is the reason I breathe. I am as good as dead the day I don’t talk to at least one spirit for someone.
As I felt more beautiful in being able to take all my trials of my life and help them heal others, the bitter past of being bullied slipped away. I now became an advocate against bullying. I felt this power inside me that I could do greater things. I needed to help this earth, however I was still too afraid for anyone to know what I did.
The most beautiful and whole I have ever felt, is in watching someones life change knowing their departed loved one is still around them, day in, day out. I am a proof medium, you tell me NOTHING. I tell you everything and with being a severe empath I empath their entire personality, and many have said, ” I felt as if they were back in this room with me physically” Years upon years hundreds of readings later people were starting to recommend me even more and encountering more people I had knows’ kids in my life. People were finding out and I was terrified. Something I hold so sacred, I was no longer scared for someone bullying ME, I was afraid of them bullying my gift, my child, my soul purpose to breathe. The one thing I have nurtured and protected.
By now theresa caputo had debuted on tv. I remember watching, and crying. I watched her do a reading the exact way I did, and I cried because I was able to see someone heal from the outside, my hair stood up and I felt this cold chill and my soul felt such purpose. I knew I had to let the world know what I was. I refer to it as coming out of the psychic closet.
I slowly opened up on social media about reiki, tested the waters, I knew reiki and spirituality had started becoming more popular around this time and it felt comforting. I started posting inspiring things about life lessons and things my reiki teacher had given me great knowledge about from years before. It was safe and I felt good. I needed to show young kids its ok to be energy sensitive and an empath, and they’re not depressed or have anxiety and ITS OK. Slowly but surely I had started opening up about ” taking readings” people thought it was for reiki and in private emails I would explain what I really was. The more I saw families heal, the more thank yous I received, the more I knew and felt compelled to make my message heard, but still teetering with the fear of it all.
Here I am, in 2015, a world of bullshit behind me things I haven’t even touched on here about relationships, pain, betrayal- but knowing exactly who I am and why I’m here. I teach reiki, I teach psychic development. I found my purpose in looking the way I do, and being so relatable and young, its to reach a younger generation to know its ok. Life has been my schooling and mediumship/psychic work has been my greatest friend.
Let me briefly explain psychic work, I don’t believe in psychics who bullshit you on a board walk. Manipulate people to spend more money, ” oh let me burn a candle to get rid of this curse” kiss my ass. That is pure soul manipulation, it is not healing. The way I operate as a psychic is I will see hidden issues from your past inside you that need to heal so we can heal them. The future is never guaranteed, so never listen to someone who tells you who you’ll marry and how many kids you’ll have, we all have free will and our paths change every day, however I can tell you what I see if you STAY on your path, and what I don’t see happening. I always tell my clients, tomorrow you can wake up and say ” I wanna be a monk” and then everything about your path is null in void.
In 2015 I went to a cemetery for the first time in my life. I walked around, and felt the most love and peace I’ve ever felt. I was led to a grave randomly and he said, ” we’ve spoken before please send this to my daughter and tell her I said hi” and I did. I walked around the ENTIRE cemetery, reading the headstones and seeing the love put into every one. The unique decorations from their loved ones still here, I broke down and cried like a baby. I felt this rush in my soul ill never be able to explain and I for the first time felt I had a purpose, a real purpose, and my life matters. I am bridging the gap from the spiritual plane to the human world daily, and these people need me. How could I fully hide again. How? How could I deprive this gift from the world. I decided from there on out, my child, my life, my souls gift needs to be heard. Where theres one asshole skeptic, there are 50 people I have helped, and I cannot focus on the negative of it all.
Death is beautiful, and the only sad part for spirit is within us. Where there are me, there are many others and trust and believe this is gods work. I find myself walking up to people randomly with messages and I never would’ve done that before in my life. Sometimes its just to let someone know their prayers were answered and everything is gonna be ok and that was their sign.
My biggest moral of this story, is throughout bullying and being afraid of who you are as a person, you cant. You cannot be afraid of people, people are only projecting their inner selves onto you, and you have to feel bad for people who do that, or people who can’t understand, their souls journey is just NOT there yet. You have to send these people love, and love to you for being brave enough to not hide, not to be afraid of who you are, and more importantly your super power on this earth. Bullying can last a life time but I promise, when you find you, and your purpose, it makes sense, and yes its still sad, but its made me more brave, Ive faced the worst, now whats the worst someone can call me, crazy?
My rebuttal, sure its ok if you think I am, probably more crazy if its fake to give up a 2k a week tattoo career and move back home so I could fulfill my gift every day, and tattoo one day a week if lucky.
Whatever your world is, be damn proud of it. Mine just happens to be dead.
My name is Alexandra March, and my super power is talking to the dead whats yours?